Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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