So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
