I hate your face
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
