so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
