People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
