If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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