you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
