apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
