I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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