Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
