yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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