Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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