If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
