Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
