We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
