Duck Duck Cougar?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
