the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
