My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
