Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
