I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
