my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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