I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
