I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
