She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
