On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
