Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
