Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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