I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
