I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
