nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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