An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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