Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
