I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
