yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
