No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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