I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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