Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
