You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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