does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
