do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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