so explain again why im purple
no
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
