you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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