Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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