I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
