I was born with a shot glass in my hand
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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