Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
