apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
