high people should be assigned attendants
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
