I wish my penis had an off switch
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize