You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
