Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
