Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I currently don't understand fingers.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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