Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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