they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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