New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
