I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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