Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize