3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
