Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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