Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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