I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize