Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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