I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
