It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
