I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
