This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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