I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I don't think brook has ever known best
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
