my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
this is an emotional support booty call
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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